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Scorekeeper Introductions

A collection of scorekeepers with a list of introductions that they have used at the start of each show they appeared on.

Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction
2024-03-16 - - I'm the illegitimate son of Bill Kurtis
Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction

Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction
2024-09-21 - - Hey there, Chicago. I'm Ayesha Rascoe filling in for Bill Kurtis. And this was supposed to be my day off, but I'm here
Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction

Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction
2012-08-18 - - Legendary Anchorman
2012-09-08 - - Legendary Anchorman
2012-09-15 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-03-02 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-03-09 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-03-23 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-05-11 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-05-18 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-05-25 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-06-01 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-06-08 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-06-15 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-06-22 - - Legendary Anchorman
2013-06-29 - - Legendary Anchorman
2014-05-24 - - Legendary Anchorman
2014-05-31 - - Legendary Anchorman
2014-06-07 - - Beloved Anchorman
2014-06-14 - - Cuddly Fun Anchorman
2014-06-21 - - Inscrutable Anchorman
2014-06-28 - - Voluptuous Anchorman
2014-07-05 True - Surprisingly Telegenic Anchorman
2014-07-12 - - Awe-Inspiring Anchorman
2014-07-19 - - Tender Loving Anchorman
2014-07-26 - - Carnivorous Anchorman
2014-08-02 - - Totally Huggable Anchorman
2014-08-30 - - Entrancing Anchorman
2014-09-06 - - Smoking Hot
2014-09-13 - - Well-Behaved Anchorman
2014-09-20 - - Fragrant Anchorman
2014-10-04 - - Legendary Anchorman
2014-10-11 True - Vertebrate Anchorman
2014-10-18 - - Simply Gorgeous Anchorman
2014-10-25 - - Heaven-Sent Anchorman
2014-11-01 - - Strange, Enticing, Wierd and Normal Anchorman
2014-11-08 - - Legendary Anchorman
2014-11-15 - - Aerialist and Contortionist Anchorman
2014-11-22 - - Angelic Anchorman
2014-11-29 True - Filled with Cranberry Sauce
2014-12-06 - - Earth's last living centaur
2014-12-13 - - Half-anchor, half-man
2014-12-20 - - All about that bass, about that bass...
2014-12-27 True - Height-weight proportionate
2015-01-03 True - Humbly incredible anchorman
2015-01-10 - - Ruggedly handsome
2015-01-17 - - Legendary Anchorman
2015-01-24 - - Kid-tested, mother approved
2015-01-31 - - A little teapot, short and stout
2015-02-07 - - The ocean's most deadly predator
2015-02-14 - - Adorable Mouseketeer
2015-02-21 True - Manic, pixie, dream girl
2015-02-28 - - Just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her
2015-03-07 - - Anchorman, anchor-myth, anchor-legend
2015-03-14 - - Who Dat?
2015-03-21 - - All beef anchorman
2015-03-28 - - Your mom's favorite anchorman
2015-04-04 - - Legendary Anchorman
2015-04-11 True 2014-10-11 Vertebrate Anchorman
2015-04-18 - - Legendary Anchorman
2015-04-25 - - I'm not an anchorman, I'm an anchor man
2015-05-02 - - By the power of Grayskull, I am He-Anchorman
2015-05-09 - - I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a mighty, mighty anchorman
2015-05-16 - - I'm the only Bill to get unanimous support in both Houses of Congress
2015-05-23 - - I'm the man now dog
2015-05-30 True - Chinese Communist Sleeper Agent
2015-06-06 - - I'm not just man-spreading, I'm Annchorman-spreading
2015-06-13 - - I'm the man American Pharoah rides when he wants to go fast
2015-06-20 - - Anchormen want to be me, Anchorwomen want to be with me
2015-06-27 - - I'm America's only 10 gallon achorman
2015-07-04 True - Legendary Anchorman
2015-07-11 - - Motown Philly, meet Motown Billy
2015-07-18 True - Legendary Anchorman
2015-07-25 - - I'm the man people call 'The Bill of Right'
2015-08-01 - - A healthy part of a complete breakfast
2015-08-08 - - I'm the man so hot President Obama wants to cap and trade me
2015-08-15 - - Forget the kid, I'm Billy the Man
2015-08-22 True - I'm Perennial Time Man of the Year, First Runner Up
2015-08-29 True - I'm American ninja warrior
2015-09-05 - - I'm the anchorman so good they wouldn't let me retire
2015-09-12 - - Anchor - I hardly know her
2015-09-19 - - I'm the only man to make Janet Yellen raise her interest rate
2015-09-26 - - I'm the man whose tail pipe emissions are always exactly as promised
2015-10-03 - - You've heard about Hillary's secret e-mails, I'm Hillary's secret male
2015-10-10 - - You be illin', I be Billin'
2015-10-17 True - I'm the fire in your fireplace
2015-10-24 - - I'm the man who takes depressed Cubs fans out to the Bill game
2015-10-31 - - Hey there Des Moines, I'm da man
2015-11-07 - - I'm the man who gave James Bond his license
2015-11-14 - - I'm the perfect man if you want to Netflix and Bill
2015-11-21 - - I'm the man who will stuff your Thanksgiving turkey
2015-11-28 True - I'm the turkey stuffed with chicken stuffed with... Anchorman
2015-12-05 - - Crack open a cold one, it's Biller Time!
2015-12-12 - - Who needs jingle bells? You've got jingle Bill
2015-12-19 - - Hey Han Solo, climb in me. I'm the Billennium Falcon
2015-12-26 True - Merry Kurtismas
2016-01-02 True - I'm an anchorman, baby
2016-01-09 - - Why play the Powerball when you can play the Power Bill?
2016-01-16 - - Check the mail, you just got your electric Bill
2016-01-23 - - Hey east coast, avoid that winter chill and get some of this winter Bill
2016-01-30 - - I hope you like jazz because I'm about to take you on a Bill-y Holiday
2016-02-06 - - Hey football fans turn off the game, let me be your Super Bill
2016-02-13 - - Come join my secret society, the Billuminati
2016-02-20 True - I'm the anchor real men tattoo on their chest
2016-02-27 - - Hey Gladys Knight, forget about Georgia. Take the midnight train to Bill
2016-03-05 - - Someone's knocking at the door. Someone's ringing the bill
2016-03-12 - - Hey ladies, get your tickets to the Billith Fair
2016-03-19 - - Forget about March Madness, let's play basket-Bill
2016-03-26 - - This is not a drill; it's a Bill
2016-04-02 - - If you mess with the bull, you get the horns. So why not mess with the Bill?
2016-04-09 - - You quiero taco Bill
2016-04-16 - - Hey Milwaukee, I'm taking you on a trip to Billwaukee
2016-04-23 True - I am the anchor that keeps out great ship of state from floating away
2016-04-30 - - I'm the Fresh Prince of Bill-Air
2016-05-07 - - I'm the Mother's Day present your mom really wants
2016-05-14 - - Billy Jean is not your lover, but Billy Kurtis is
2016-05-21 - - I'm the newest member of The Avengers: Anchorman
2016-05-28 - - You're kind of cute, but I'm adora-Bill
2016-06-04 True - Don't just chillax, Billax with me
2016-06-11 - - Hey baby, you hungry? Let me be your umBillical cord
2016-06-18 - - Who needs the London Philharmonic? You've got the Billharmonic
2016-06-25 - - Hey there, daddy. I'm your Billegitimate child
2016-07-02 - - Hey Peter, what did the duck say to the waiter? Put it on my bill
2016-07-09 True - I'm the anchor that only the coolest sailors have tattoed on their chests
2016-07-16 - - Hey baby, I'll start your heart. I'm your defib-Bill-ator
2016-07-23 - - I go all day long, dady. I'm your Billibuster
2016-07-30 - - If you're looking for a TV revival, let me be your Billmore Girls
2016-08-06 - - I'm the only man with a gold medal in anchormanning
2016-08-13 - - I'm flexi-Bill
2016-08-20 True - If your gas tank's empty, it's time to Bill 'er up
2016-08-27 True - Forget Generation X, I'm a Billennial
2016-09-03 - - I'm the only man Tom Brady allows to tamper with his balls
2016-09-10 - - Hey there, Fergie, get a load of Bill-I-Am
2016-09-17 - - I'm America's next top model
2016-09-24 - - Love lift us up where we Bill-ong
2016-10-01 - - Why run with the bulls when you can run with the Bill
2016-10-08 - - Hey there, Neo. Do you want to take the red Bill or the blue Bill?
2016-10-15 True - Hey there, Cat Stevens. I've got tea for the Biller Band.
2016-10-22 - - It's all right, because you're saved by the Bill
2016-10-29 - - Hey Chicago, forget about the Billy Goat. I'm goaty Bill
2016-11-05 - - You're about to be arrested for Billicit activities
2016-11-12 - - America, I know change is hard, but don't curl up into a ball, curl up with a Bill
2016-11-19 - - I'm the Bill that never gets vetoed
2016-11-26 True - Legendary Anchorman
2016-12-03 - - Don't worry about the Constitution, I'll be your Bill of Rights
2016-12-10 - - Pick up the phone, it's a Bill Kurtis-y call
2016-12-17 - - Hey, Nutcracker, let me be your Billerina
2016-12-24 - - Jingle Bills, jingle Bills, jingle I'm
2016-12-31 True - I'm the anchor in the relay team that passes the baton of truth
2017-01-07 True - Forget the yoga, try some Bill-lates
2017-01-14 - - I can tell your future, I'm your Crystal Bill
2017-01-21 - - Hey Donald Trump, put your hand on me. I'm your holy Bi-Bill
2017-01-28 - - A wall can't stop me, I'm a Bill-legal immigrant
2017-02-04 - - Hey Steve Bannon, let me be your Triumph of the Bill
2017-02-18 - - Hey folks, don't get up in my grill, get up in my Bill
2017-02-25 True 2016-02-20 I'm the anchor real men tattoo onto their chests
2017-03-04 - - Hey there, Jonathan Safran Foer, everything is Billuminated
2017-03-11 - - I'm the Bill no one wants to repeal and replace
2017-03-18 - - We're cutting your budget by a Bill-ion
2017-03-25 - - I'm no doctor, but I'll be your healthcare Bill
2017-04-01 - - Hey 007, I've got a license to Bill. Kurtis, is the name
2017-04-08 - - You've found your thrill on Blueberry Bill
2017-04-15 True - I'm the anchor who guarantees a gold medal
2017-04-22 - - Don't eat at IKEA, try my Swedish meat-Bills
2017-04-29 - - I hope you're not feeling ill, but I do hope you're feeling Bill
2017-05-06 - - Looking for a fun vacation? Take a trip to the Billapagos Islands
2017-05-13 - - U-tah, me-Bill
2017-05-20 - - I'm not Kendrick Lamar, but sit down, be hum-Bill
2017-05-27 - - It's time for the rose ceremony, and I'm your Bill-achelor
2017-06-03 True - I'm the Bill people hope is waiting in the mailbox
2017-06-10 - - Legendary Anchorman
2017-06-17 - - Good news. For Father's Day, you get an edi-Bill arrangement
2017-06-24 - - I'm the bill Mitch McConnell wants to work in secret
2017-07-01 - - Get a look at my crack, I'm the Liberty Bill
2017-07-08 True - I'm the man beyond your puny power to comprehend. That's right, I'm inconvceiva-Bill
2017-07-15 - - Hey Don Jr., don't collude with Russians. Bill-lude with me!
2017-07-22 - - Hey O.J., now that you're free, come find the real Biller
2017-07-29 - - Hey, there. No matter who you are, you're welcome to serve in the Bill-itary
2017-08-05 - - Hey, Guy Raz, watch how I Bill This
2017-08-12 - - Hey, before the apocalypse starts, let me be your last Bill and testament
2017-08-19 True - I'm a man so pure and honest, they named that quality after me, I'm incorrupti-Bill
2017-08-26 - 2017-01-14 I can tell your future, I'm your Crystal Bill
2017-09-02 - - Hey, Maria von Trapp, climb my mountain. And the Bills are alive with the sound of music
2017-09-09 - - Hey, Kim Jong Un, why don't you try and launch me? I'm a Billistic missile
2017-09-16 - - Hey there, Debra Messing, how about a return of "Bill & Grace"
2017-09-23 - - You don't have to speak Tagalog to visit the Bill-ippines
2017-09-30 - - Hey there, ancient Mesopotamians, get ready for the epic of Bill-gamesh
2017-10-07 - - That's right, I'm gazing at Uranus. I'm the Hub-Bill telescope
2017-10-14 True - I'm the breed that seems vicious, but I'm a sweetheart when you get to know me. I'm your pit Bill
2017-10-21 - - Look out Tokyo, here comes God-Billa!
2017-10-28 - - Hey Paul Ryan, no need to debate, I'll be your tax reform Bill
2017-11-04 - - I hope you're hungry, you're about to get a big plate of spaghetti Bill-ignese
2017-11-11 - - I'll take care of that odor, I'm your Bill Kurtis-y flush
2017-11-18 - - Put on your tutu, you're going to the Bill-et
2017-11-25 True - Don't worry folks, I know it looks bad, but it's treata-Bill
2017-12-02 - - Hey Seattle, you be my Donald, I'll be your Bill-ania
2017-12-09 - - Kur-'tis the season
2017-12-16 - - Hark, hear the Bills, sweet silver Bills
2017-12-23 - - Hey there Hillary, it takes a Bill-age
2017-12-30 True - I'm the dignified news anchor with an irresistible bass line. That's right, I'm dancea-Bill
2018-01-06 True - I'm the man with an aim that can be used for any number of comic puns. I'm adapta-Bill
2018-01-13 - - I'm not a stable genius. I'm a genius that's sta-Bill
2018-01-20 - - Hey, Ebbing, Missouri, you don't need three billboards. You just need one Bill Kurtis
2018-01-27 - - Hey, that guacamole is not ready yet. You need some Bill-antro
2018-02-03 - - Hey man, relax! Take a chill-Bill
2018-02-10 - - Hello Nancy Pelosi, if you need a break, let me Bill-ibuster
2018-02-17 - - Say, 'Ahhh'. You're about to get a tonsil-Bill-ectomy
2018-02-24 True - I'm the man whose inner life will always be hidden, no matter how sincere I am. I'm inscruti-Bill
2018-03-03 - - Hey Anthony Kiedes, put a sock on this! I'm a Red Hot Billy Pepper
2018-03-10 - - Wakanda forever! I'm Bill-monger
2018-03-17 - - During Lent, take a bite out of me. I'll be your Bill-et-O-Fish
2018-03-24 - - I don't care about your fancy arts and culture, I'm a Bill-istine
2018-03-31 True - I'm legendary anchorman
2018-04-07 - - March Madness is over and the winner is Bill-anova
2018-04-14 - - I don't dance now, I make money moves. I'm Cardi-Bill
2018-04-28 - - I'm 99.9% effective. I'm the birth-control Bill
2018-05-05 - - I've got thick skin. I'm an arma-Bill-o
2018-05-12 - - Poopity-scoop, scoopity-doop, I'm Bill-ity-boop
2018-05-19 - - Got an infection? Try some Peni-Bill-in
2018-05-26 - - I know you're tired LeBron. Pass the ball to me, I'm LeBill
2018-06-02 True - I'm the guy who rebeled from the two party system and founded my own. I'm the Bill Moose
2018-06-09 - - Come on in, the water's hot. I'm bub-Bill bath
2018-06-16 - - Hey Pixar, put me in your next movie. I'm Incredi-Bill
2018-06-23 - - Getting rid of some old clothes? Take 'em to Good-Bill
2018-06-30 - - I'm just a legendary anchorman looking for his anchor baby
2018-07-07 True - Forget your constitutional protections and just listen to me, I'm the Bill that's right
2018-07-14 - - Hey there, ovaries. How do you like your eggs? I'm your Bill-opian tubes
2018-07-21 - - End the witch hunt. There's no Bill-usion
2018-07-28 - - Cut the cord, I'm your Bill-y button
2018-08-04 - - Climb up on me and work up a sweat. I'll be your tread-Bill
2018-08-11 - - Alright everybody, you're in Bill-ennium Park now
2018-08-18 True - I'm the shirt that doesn't cling too tight. I'm Bill-owy
2018-08-25 True 2015-07-04 I'm legendary anchorman
2018-09-01 - - Step aside Schlitz, I'm the Bill that made Milwaukee famous
2018-09-08 - - You're gonna look great. 'Cause you're about to get a Bill-icone implant
2018-09-15 - - Hey, Guy Raz, how do you Bill this?
2018-09-22 - - Get over here and shave me. I'm your stub-Bill
2018-09-29 - - Hey there Angelenos, take a right on Sunset Bill-evard
2018-10-06 - - I like Bill. I still like Bill. Sometimes I had too much Bill
2018-10-13 True - I'm a pile of thinly sliced beef covered in Velveeta. That's right. I'm your Billy Cheesesteak
2018-10-20 - - Put your candy in my bucket. It's Bill-oween!
2018-10-27 - - Open up your anniversary card everybody. There's a crisp dollar Bill in there for you
2018-11-03 - - Take off those old clothes. Give them to Good-Bill
2018-11-10 - - Count me, I'm your provisional Bill-ot
2018-11-17 - - Hey there, Donald Duck. Get a load of this Bill
2018-11-24 True - Had enough turkey yet? Gobble gob-Bill
2018-12-01 - - The verdict is in Michael Cohen. You're Bill-ty
2018-12-08 - - Forget Bill de Blasio, I'm Bill de Badassio
2018-12-15 - - Hey there vegetarians, put me on your pun. I'm a porta-Bill-o
2018-12-22 - - Deck the halls with Bills of holly. Fa la la la la, la la la Bill
2018-12-29 True - This New Year's Eve, count to ten and watch the Bill drop
2019-01-05 True - Hey Cast Away Tom Hanks, I'll be your friend. I'm Bill-son!
2019-01-19 - - Sorry Mitch McConnell, nobody blocks this Bill
2019-01-26 - - Bill the wall! Bill the wall! I'm Bill the Kurtis
2019-02-02 - - I'm legendarily cold anchorman, Brrrgh Kurtis
2019-02-09 - - Hey there Georgia, I'll take a bite of your juicy peach
2019-02-16 - - Roses are red, pickles are dill. My last name's Kurtis. My middle name's Danger
2019-02-23 True - I don't know if Beale Street could talk; but, Bill Street can
2019-03-02 - - Let me toss your salad. I'm, I'm Bill-samic vinaigrette
2019-03-09 - - Lay me down for a triple word score. I'm Scra-Bill
2019-03-16 - - Stay classy, San Diego
2019-03-30 - - Complete and total excitation. It's the Biller Report
2019-04-06 - - Hey there EDM fans, get ready for some Billex
2019-04-13 - - Remember the Bill-amo
2019-04-20 True - Hey there, DeNiro. Get a load of me, Raging Bill
2019-04-27 - - Hey Thanos, forget the Infinity Stones, listen to my Infinity Tones
2019-05-04 - - Hey Arthur Miller, step into this Cruci-Bill
2019-05-11 - - Forget about Bill Barr, come to the bar with me
2019-05-18 - - Is it hot in here? I blame glo-Bill warming
2019-05-25 - - I'm your evil twin
2019-06-01 True - Hey, everybody. Gather in front of me and prepare to salute; because, it's the Triumph of the Bill
2019-06-08 - - Hey, Steph Curry. Try spinning ol' basket-Bill on your finger
2019-06-15 - - Sleep tight, baby. You're about to get a dose of Bill-atonin
2019-06-22 - - Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Ask for whom the Bill tolls
2019-06-29 - - It's always sunny in Bill-adelphia
2019-07-06 True - Check out these fireworks. Ooh. Ah. Bill
2019-07-13 - - Take a look at my horns, Pamplona. It's the running of the Bills
2019-07-20 - - Forget about LeBron, you've got LeBill
2019-07-27 - - It's alright Zack Morris. You're saved by the Bill
2019-08-03 - - You don't need a landline, you got a mo-Bill
2019-08-10 - - You wait here, I'm gonna slip into something more comforta-Bill
2019-08-17 True - Take me to the beach and toss me around. I'm your fris-Bill
2019-08-24 True - Say what you want Bernie Sanders, you'll never take down this Bill-ionaire
2019-08-31 - - Hey there Senators, come sit on Capitol Bill
2019-09-07 - - Take a gulp of me and I'll give you wings. I'm Red Bill
2019-09-14 - - Hey there, Jersey. Bada-boom, bada-Bill
2019-09-21 - - Pack your bags, you're going on a Billy holiday
2019-09-28 - - That's me in your ear. You're getting a wet Billy
2019-10-05 - - When you want your flower pollinated, I'll be your bum-Bill bee
2019-10-26 - - Utah. Me Bill
2019-11-02 - - It's cold out there. Put this Bill-aclava on your face
2019-11-09 - - Pssst! Wanna know a secret? I'm a whistle-Bill-er
2019-11-16 - - Move over, Virginia. Bill is for lovers
2019-11-23 - - I'm not a turkey; but, I still say "Gobble, gobble, gob-Bill"
2019-11-30 True - Doorbuster, make way for Bill-buster
2019-12-07 - - Want to see your future? Look into old crystal Bill
2019-12-14 - - This message will self-destruct in five seconds. It's Mission: Impossi-Bill
2019-12-21 - - Drei-Bill, drei-Bill, drei-Bill. I made you out of clay
2019-12-28 True - Hey Time Square, count to ten. I'm your New Year's Eve Bill drop
2020-01-04 True - Hey, reset your clocks. It's a new Bill-ennium
2020-01-11 - - Hey, Mister Rogers, come over to the land of make Bill-ieve
2020-01-18 - - Grab a spoon, you're about to have a big ol' bowl of Bill-ognese
2020-01-25 - - Is this heaven? No. It's
2020-02-01 - - Billie Eilish may have five Grammys, but Billy Kurtis is your only grampy
2020-02-08 - - Hey, Iowa. I'm the only candidate that's via-Bill
2020-02-15 - - Hey, coronavirus, you can't touch me. I've got a clean Bill of health
2020-02-22 True - When I'm President, we'll meet in the O-Bill Office
2020-02-29 - - Hey, mountain climbers. Summit this. I'm Mount Bill-imanjaro
2020-03-07 - - Get quarantined in my state room. I'm your Carni-Bill cruise
2020-03-14 - - Don't touch your face. Touch my face
2020-03-21 - - Don't worry, I'm not communica-Bill
2020-03-28 - - Stimulus bill? I'm a stimulating Bill
2020-04-04 - - Stay six feet away from my body, but snuggle right up to my heart
2020-04-11 - - It's Passover. Get ready for a plague of Bills
2020-04-18 - - You're not feeling ill. You're feeling Bill
2020-04-25 - - Uh-oh. It's a glo-Bill pandemic
2020-05-02 - - Tastes great, more Bill-ing
2020-05-09 - - I am the egg man. I am the Kurtis
2020-05-16 - - Got COVID? Don't worry. You're about to get a hot Bill injection
2020-05-23 - - The secret's out. I'm the Zodiac Biller
2020-05-30 True - It's a great day for a road trip. Go ahead and put my top down. I'm your converti-Bill
2020-06-06 - - Hey, everybody. Don't call in the military. Call in the Bill-itary
2020-06-13 - - Hey there, summer. Don't forget me! I'm your backyard Bill-becue
2020-06-20 - - Hey, everybody. Come outside and play me, Ultimate Fris-Bill!
2020-06-27 - - Forget about Chuck E. Cheese. Put your quarters in me and play skee-Bill
2020-07-04 True - Everybody remember, when you go out, where a mask and follow social distancing. It's just common Bill courtesy
2020-07-11 - - Gym's still closed? Go for a job on me, your tread-Bill
2020-07-18 - - Getting married? Put me on your registry, a nice set of Bill-verware
2020-07-25 - - Somebody's knocking at the door. Somebody's ringing the Bill
2020-08-01 - - Hey there babies, fall asleep to me. I'm your lulla-Bill
2020-08-08 - - Good to meet ya, daddy. I'm your Bill-egitimate child
2020-08-15 True - It's summertime and the Bill-in' is easy
2020-08-22 True - Need someone to put lotion on your back? Let me be your cabana Bill
2020-08-29 - - Hey there, Charlie. Step into my chocolate factory. I'm Billy Wonka
2020-09-05 - - Get out your pancakes. I'm about to pour on some ma-Bill syrup
2020-09-12 - - Get a real job, Sweeny Todd. I'm the Barber of Sa-Bill
2020-09-19 - - Chew me up and blow a bub-Bill
2020-09-26 - - Why not celebrate fall with me, a cup of hot a-Bill cider
2020-10-03 - - Who needs Ted? How about Bill's Excellent Adventure?
2020-10-10 - - Forget about the debate, you got de-Bill
2020-10-17 True - I'm not going to settle in and spend time with you. It's just a Curtis-y visit
2020-10-24 - - Hey there, Mom. Get a load of this Bill-th
2020-10-31 - - Don't worry about your mail-in ballot. You've got me, your mail-in Bill-ot
2020-11-07 - - Who needs a blue wave, check out this Bill wave
2020-11-14 - - Poke my belly. I'm the Bill-sbury Dough Boy
2020-11-21 - - You know what's longer than a mile? A Bill-ometer
2020-11-28 True - Wait for me, Mayflower! I'm a Thanksgiving Bill-grim
2020-12-05 - - Hey, Peter. Cut me. I'm your um-Bill-ical cord
2020-12-12 - - Bring the beef! You're about to gt a big plate of spaghetti Bill-ognese
2020-12-19 - - Jingle Bills, jingle Bills, jingle all the Bills
2020-12-26 True - Do you hear what I hear? I hear me!
2021-01-02 True - 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! It's the New Year's Bill drop
2021-01-09 - - Hey, now. Don't storm the Capitol. Storm me, the Capi-Bill!
2021-01-16 - - Like Ma Bell, I got the Bill communications
2021-01-30 - - Sorry, Buffalo. I guess only certain Bills are winners
2021-02-06 - - Hey, Marjorie Taylor Greene. Forget about the deep state. Worry about the deep voice
2021-02-13 - - Another pun about my name? Inexcusa-Bill!
2021-02-20 True - Hey, Rose. Forget about Jack. Near, far, wherever you are, your heart Bill go on
2021-02-27 - - Hey, Little Miss Muffet. How about some Kurtis and whey?
2021-03-06 - - Hey there, Billie Eilish. Do a duet with me, Billy Kurtish
2021-03-13 - - I'm your area of interest. I'm your Bill-iwick
2021-03-20 - - Hey there, foodies. Try tipping 20% on this Bill
2021-03-27 - - Calm down. What's all the hulla-Bill-loo about?
2021-04-03 True - I'm the man who will subsidize your crops this year. I'm the Farm Bill
2021-04-10 - - Hey there, MLB. Why not play me? An All-Star Game of base-Bill
2021-04-17 - - Forget your other systems of algebraic notation. Get some Bill-ean logic
2021-04-24 - - Half lab, half poodle, half man. I'm a Labradoo-Bill
2021-05-01 - - The clock is ticking, so don't Billy-dally
2021-05-08 - - Hey there, Melinda. Why not try this Bill for a change?
2021-05-15 - - You can either be bellicose or you can keep Billy close
2021-05-22 - - Lactose intolerant? Try me instead, delicious 2% Bilk
2021-05-29 - - Uh-oh. You're in trouble. Head to the princi-Bill's office
2021-06-05 True - It's June and the weather is heating up. Get ready for a hot summer in the Billy
2021-06-12 - - Betcha can't break me. I'm indestructi-Bill
2021-06-19 - - Get ready for a nutcracker. You're going to the Bill-et
2021-06-26 - - Muhahahahaha! I'm a super Bill-ain
2021-07-03 - - Watch out! I'm about to go Bill-istic
2021-07-10 True - Hey, worried about the heavy hand of the government? I got you, baby. I'm your Bill of Rights
2021-07-17 - - Up, up and away on me! I'm your beautiful Bill-oon
2021-07-24 - - Light that torch! It's time for the Bill-ympics
2021-07-31 - - Pop the Prosecco and squeeze those peaches. We're making Bill-inis
2021-08-07 - - Hey there, Ben Franklin. Invent me! I'm a pair of Bill-focals
2021-08-14 True - Hey, you've put in the work and watched what you ate. Time to show off your beach-Billy
2021-08-21 True - Hey, jolly swag man. How about you try Waltzing Ma-Bill-da
2021-09-04 - - Hey there, Homer. Get a load of the Bill-iad
2021-09-11 - - Hey there, Chicago. We Bill this city, we Bill this city on rock and roll
2021-09-18 - - Feeling blue? Take a dose of A-Bill-ifi
2021-09-25 - - Hey there, Internet. Review my new album. I'm Bill Nas X
2021-10-02 - - America, Bill back better. Bill front best
2021-10-09 - - Hey there, Joe Manchin. Vote for me and I'll be your infrastructure Bill
2021-10-16 True - Put your sweater on because the weather's getting autumn-Bill
2021-10-23 - - Limber up! You're about to do Bill-ates
2021-10-30 - - Hey there, trick-or-treater. Hide you Dalmations, I'm Cruella de Bill
2021-11-06 - - I'm the man who loves you. I'm Bill-co
2021-11-13 - - Look on the bright side with me. I'm a Bill-ver lining
2021-11-20 - - Hey there, nerds. I'm a non-fungi-Bill token
2021-11-27 True - Hey, everybody. Join me for a feast celebrating our good fortune in the new world. I'm a Bill-grim
2021-12-04 - - Come on in, Microsoft nerds. 'Cause, we're about to open the Bill gates
2021-12-11 - - Roll up that sleeve, you're about to get your Bill-ster shot
2021-12-18 - - Ho-ho-ho! Merry Kurtis-mas! I'm Santa Bill Kurtis
2021-12-25 True - Hey Wise Men, try these gifts of the Magi: gold, frankincense and Kyrrh-tis
2022-01-01 True - I'm the man whose New Year's resolution is to be more legendary
2022-01-08 - - Look at my downward dog. I'm flexi-Bill
2022-01-15 - - It's time we end the filibuster and begin the Bill-ibuster
2022-01-22 - - You can keep your criminis, it's time for a porta-Bill-o
2022-01-29 - - Stand back! I'm flammi-Bill
2022-02-05 - - Can you hear me, Chicago? Or, do you need another deci-Bill?
2022-02-12 - - Bi-curious? How about Bill Kurtious?
2022-02-19 - - There's nothing seedy about an under-Billy
2022-02-26 True - It's definitely good to have more taste, but nobody wants less Bill-ing
2022-03-12 - - Quit your bellyaching and start your Billy-aching
2022-03-19 - - Forget about March Madness, try some March Kurtis
2022-03-26 - - You're about to get defamed. I'm committing li-Bill
2022-04-02 - - Need a little color in your life? I'm ROYG-Bill
2022-04-09 - - Me quote The Princess Bridge? Inconceiva-Bill!
2022-04-16 True - It must be spring, because the daffo-Bills are blooming
2022-04-23 - - Hey down there. Look out Bill-ow!
2022-04-30 - - I've been to several Super Bowls. I'm Buffalo Bill
2022-05-07 - - Forget Barcelona. You're going to Bill-bao
2022-05-14 - - Hey there, newlyweds. Here comes Pachel-Bill's Canon
2022-05-21 - - Let's do this deal all cash, all the ta-Bill
2022-05-28 - - You'll never escape Bill-catraz
2022-06-04 True - I'm the pamphlet that tells you the star you came to see won't be performing tonight. I'm the play-Bill
2022-06-11 - - Let me take those suitcases for you. You got a Bill-hop
2022-06-18 - - Goo-goo ga-ga boo-bop gee-gee. Listen to be bab-Bill
2022-06-25 - - Bueller? Bueller? Bill-er!
2022-07-02 - - Get ready for some east coast swing because Motown Billy's back again
2022-07-09 True - Ooh! Ahh! Check out all these fireworks. I'm your grand Bill-nale
2022-07-16 - - I'm ready for my close up. I'm on the Sunset Bill-lebard
2022-07-23 - - Watch out Squirtle, here comes Bill-basaur
2022-07-30 - - Wake up the Bill-hive. It's a new track from Bill-yoncé
2022-08-06 - - Bail reform now! Bill reform never!
2022-08-13 True - I'm the music festival all the cool kids wanna attend. I'm Lolla-Bill-ooza
2022-08-20 True - Grab your bros and meet me on the quad. We're playing spike-Bill
2022-08-27 - - Enough of the Beltway. Step inside the Bill-way
2022-09-03 - - Slap me on your funny pages. It's time to play with Billy Putty
2022-09-10 - - Want to go really fast? Take the Bill-et train
2022-09-17 - - Slather on that belly jelly. It's time for your Bill-trasound
2022-09-24 - - Dou-Bill, dou-Bill, toil and trou-Bill. It's me, Mac-Bill
2022-10-01 - - Take it easy. I'm just busting your Bills
2022-10-08 - - Who cares about the those other medals. You just won the No-Bill Prize
2022-10-15 True - I'm that show about New York financiers you don't watch because it's on Showtime. I'm Bill-ions
2022-10-22 - - Hey, Boston. How do you like them apples? It's Good Bill Hunting
2022-10-29 - - No tricks here. It's all treats. Happy Bill-oween!
2022-11-05 - - Take a vacation with me. We'll call it a Bill-ie Holiday
2022-11-12 - - Chris Evans may be the People's Sexiest Man Alive; but, I'll always be the Bill-iest
2022-11-19 - - Hey there, ponies. Come on over to Church-Bill Downs
2022-11-26 True - I've come to your land from far away to create a new country. I'm a Bill-grim
2022-12-03 - - Some say "soccer", I say "foot-Bill"
2022-12-10 - - Welcome to the Big Ap-Bill
2022-12-17 - - I'm not Gen Z, I'm Gen B
2022-12-31 True - You've heard of Elf on the Shelf. Get your windows ready for Bill on the Sill
2023-01-14 - - I'll be a butterfly some day. I'm a very hungry cater-Bill-ar now
2023-01-21 - - Who am I wearing? Bill-enciaga, of course
2023-01-28 - - Crack into this cold one. I'm a refreshing Bill-er Lite
2023-02-04 - - Squeeze your peaches. We're having Bill-inis
2023-02-11 - - Forget about the Eagles and Chiefs, I'll be your Super Bill
2023-02-18 - - Bravo! Bravo! Bill-issimo!
2023-02-25 True - It's our 25th year on air. Which means, it's our Bill-ver anniversary
2023-03-04 - - Hey SZA, don't kill this Bill
2023-03-11 - - I am the voice of God. The one he has on his voicemail
2023-03-18 - - I'm not an anchorman. I'm an anchor-gentleman
2023-03-25 - - The voice that makes men weep and public radio listeners pledge
2023-04-01 - - I'm legendary anchorman, or for you vegans, you legen-non-dairy achorman
2023-04-08 True - I'm the guy who can say anything and make it sound like breaking news. I've got a License to Bill
2023-04-15 - - It's a bird. It's a plane. It's me, Anchorman
2023-04-22 - - Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask, "What's that beautiful sound?" Oh, it's my voice
2023-04-29 - - Who's got a hankerman for some anchorman?
2023-05-06 - - No coronation necessary. You know who the real king is
2023-05-13 - - Are you there God? It's me
2023-05-20 - - I'm the disembodied voice with a disembody that just won't quit
2023-05-27 - - Po'boy? I'm a po'man. A po'anchorman
2023-06-03 True - Who needs a beach bod when you've got this Bill bod?
2023-06-10 - - NPR policy says: when I'm a bad anchorman, I get a spanker man
2023-06-17 - - I'm the studly baker at the Studebaker
2023-06-24 - - Good news, everyone. Not only is my voice beautiful, it also repels mosquitoes
2023-07-01 - - Rub-a-dub-dub, I'm an anchorman in a tub
2023-07-08 True - I'm the voice Thomas Jefferson heard in his head when he wrote the "Declaration of Independence"
2023-07-15 - - I'm your new summer blockbuster, "Mission: Impossi-Bill"
2023-07-22 - - I'm the voice so deep you can do a cannonball in it
2023-07-29 - - I'm no anchorman. I'm an anchor-god
2023-08-05 - - I've got three reasons you should keep listening: Bill Freaking Kurtis
2023-08-12 True - Still working on your summer tan? Just lie close to the radio and let my voice bronze you
2023-08-19 True - I'm letting you know it's time for our radio show. I'm your Kurtis-y call
2023-08-26 - - I'm the voice so beautiful a sea witch once tried to take it from me in exchange for legs
2023-09-02 - - Me in Michigan? You got your wish-igan
2023-09-09 - - Call the plumber, because I've got some pipes
2023-09-16 - - I'm the voice that makes thunder hide under a blanket
2023-09-23 - - I'm legendary anchorman, and today only, I'm legendary birthday boy
2023-09-30 - - Hoorah for Bill-ywood
2023-10-07 - - I don't mansplain, I anchrmansplain
2023-10-14 True - I'm the ghostly anchorman, Boo Kurtis
2023-10-21 - - This voice isn't just melliflous, it's Bill-ifluous
2023-10-28 - - Carve out my insides amnd put a candle in me. I'm a Bill-o'-Lantern
2023-11-11 - - I'm the voice so beautiful, I can walk into any grocery store and use the intercom without asking
2023-11-18 - - I'm your Maine squeeze
2023-11-25 True - I'm the guy who makes a black hat with a buckle look sexy. I'm your Bill-grim
2023-12-02 - - Is that angel singing in three-part harmony? No, it's just me, Bill Kurtis
2023-12-09 - - Happy Hanukkah. Light the anchorman-orah
2023-12-16 - - Take a bite out of me. I'm the Big App-Bill
2023-12-23 - - The weather outside is frightful, but my voice is so delightful
2023-12-30 True - I'm the spirit of Christmas who visits you at midnight and then ends up staying for breakfast
2024-01-06 True - I'm the anchorman everyone wants to kiss when the ball drops
2024-01-13 - - Don't worry Patriot fans, I'll be your new coach. Call Me Bill Bill-ichick
2024-01-20 - - Don't go out in the cold. Stay inside and curl up in front of my voice
2024-02-03 - - Hey Milwaukee, time to hear Bill-talk-ee
2024-02-10 - - Are you ready for some foot-Bill?
2024-02-17 - - When Peter's Away, Billy will play
2024-03-02 - - Now that Bill's here, it's Austin City No Limits
2024-03-09 - - My voice is so loud, they named the deci-Bill after me
2024-03-23 - - Hey Mario and Luigi get a load of these pipes
2024-03-30 True - I'm the man with a voice so rich and smooth, you're not allowed to listen on Good Friday
2024-04-06 - - Throw out your Q-tips, let me voice clean out your ears
2024-04-13 - - City of Steel, meet Voice of Gold
2024-04-27 - - I'm your Bill. Would you like to tip 18, 20 or 100 percent?
2024-05-04 - - Ready for something spicy? I'm your red hot Billy pepper
2024-05-11 - - Are you coughing and sneezing? That's me. I'm your seasonal Bill-ergies
2024-05-18 - - I'm the champagne of voices. Have a nice cold Bill-er High Life
2024-05-25 - - Hey Seattle, get ready for Me-attle
2024-06-01 True - I'm the man with a voice so smoky, I can barbecue a rack of ribs just by whispering to it
2024-06-08 - - It's officially hot Bill summer
2024-06-15 - - Welcome everybody to Bill-ennium Park
2024-06-22 - - Get some tan lines form me, I'm your Bill-kini
2024-06-29 - - I'm the voice as smooth as my co-host's head
2024-07-06 True - I'm the man whose voice is bigger than John Hancock's signature
2024-07-20 - - I'm the voice of your aunt's sexual awakening
2024-07-27 - - I'm the man with a gold medal in voice gymnastics
2024-08-17 True - I'm the man who sounds like I'm 6-foot 2-inches of pure lung
2024-08-24 - - Hey there, Chicago. Forget about the DNC, I'm your BNC: Bill Newscaster
2024-08-31 - - This must be the Land o' Lakes. 'Cause, my voice is like butter
2024-09-07 - - Forget pumpkin spice latte season, I'm all the basic bitch you need
2024-09-14 - - I don't carry a big stick because I don't speak softly
2024-09-28 - - I'm the secret love child of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, Bill Kurtis Kelce
2024-10-05 - - I'm the voice that was the inspiration for creamy peanut butter
2024-10-12 - - Yes, I'm stentorian, but I'm so much more-ian
2024-10-19 True - I'm the man whose voice sticks to your ribs
2024-10-26 - - Get out your diaper cream. I'm the voice as smooth as a baby's butt
2024-11-02 - - I'm not just eye candy, I'm also ear candy
2024-11-16 - - Take a Michi-gander at this hunk of man
2024-11-30 True - I'm the person everyone thinks of when they're asked what they're thankful for
2024-12-07 - - I'm Frosty the Anchorman
2024-12-14 - - Anybody here a reindeer? 'Cause, I'm about to sleigh
2024-12-21 - - Forget your silver bells, I'm your silver fox
2025-01-04 True - I'm the old acquaintance that won't ever be forgot
2025-01-11 - - My voice is so smooth, you think it just got Botox
2025-03-01 - - I'm back, bitches!
2025-03-08 - - I've got the voice of an angel and the body of a hot angel
2025-03-15 - - I've got a juicy dump truck voice
2025-03-22 - - Today, I'm your Florida man
2025-03-29 True - I'm the guy who had to permanently retire from the wet t-shirt contest in Daytona Beach so somebody else could win
2025-04-05 - - Sailors beware. Resist the overwhelming urge to follow my gorgeous voice. Stay away from me, sailors.
2025-04-12 - - I must be a dumb thing you said at a party, because you can't stop thinking about me
2025-04-19 - - Sink your teeth into me, North Carolina. I'm your hot and saucy Bill-becue
2025-04-26 - - Accept no substitutes
2025-05-03 - - I'm the voice so peanut buttery, it comes in chunky and smooth
2025-05-17 True - Invite me to your Memorial Day picnic. I'll eat your deviled eggs no matter how long they've been out in the sun
2025-05-24 - - I'm the original "Big Beautiful Bill"
2025-05-31 - - Do I smell clam chowder? No, it's just my rich and creamy voice
2025-06-07 - - You may know me as the voice of Bill Kurtis
2025-06-14 - - I'm the voice that tells souls to go toward the light
2025-06-21 - - I'm the voice so creamy, you better take some Lactaid
2025-06-28 - - Hey there, Maine. I'm the voice that shines so bright, you won't even need your stupid lighthouse
2025-07-05 True - I'm the guy whose voice is bigger than John Hancock's signature
2025-07-12 - - Des Moines meet Da Man
2025-07-19 - - I hope you've got treads on those boots, because my voice is so smooth, you might slip
2025-07-26 - - If my voice wore pants, I'd buy them from the Big and Tall section
Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction

Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction
2019-01-12 - - I'm one of the legendary voices of the NPR credits
2019-03-23 - - I am one of the voices of NPR's credits
2019-10-12 - - One of the voices of the NPR credits and the only voice of your NPR dreams
2019-10-19 True - I'm the man who makes the NPR Wine Club sound sexy
2021-01-23 - - The voice of the NPR credits and the reason you have a weird crush on Progressive Insurance
2021-08-28 - - The voice of the NPR credits and the man who makes you wish Fidelity Insurance was Infidelity Insurance
2022-03-05 - - I just got off the midnight train to Georgia
2023-01-07 True - I'm the old acquaintance that should never be forgot
2024-01-27 - - I'm the man who's been making the NPR Wine Club sound cool since 2022
2024-02-24 True - I'm the man with a voice so smooth, rich people pay big bucks just to hear me say their name on NPR
2024-07-13 - - I'm the voice on Bill Kurtis' voicemail
2024-08-03 - - Wolf Trap, meet your thirst trap
2024-08-10 True - I'm the man who makes rich people open their wallets just so they can hear me say their name
2025-01-18 - - I'm the voice silkier than Peter Sagal's nightgown
2025-01-25 - - I'm the voice so buttery you need extra napkins
2025-02-01 - - I'm the voice that puts the "fun" in "defund public broadcasting"
2025-02-08 - - I'm the voice so deep, you need a lifeguard
2025-02-15 - - Put on your winter boots because I'm the voice so smooth, you might slip
2025-02-22 True - I'm the voice so rich, Forbes puts it on a list
Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction

Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction
2024-04-20 - - Bill Kurtis' voice may be heavenly, but get ready for hell
Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction

Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction
2024-11-23 - - Making the best of a weather delay at O'Hare by filling in for Bill Kurtis
2024-12-28 True - I'm a little disappointed that this what Bill Kurtis meant when he invited me to be part of his Christmas vacation
Show Date Best Of Repeat Of Introduction